We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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