I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sorry about my life...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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