I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
