Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
