You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
