FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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