as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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