I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
