the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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