if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
