doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
