if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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