i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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