in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
