Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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