i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
