Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
