Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
