I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize