Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
