I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
