I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
