I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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