your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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