I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
