YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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