hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
