My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Someone signed my nipple.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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