well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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