i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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