New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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