First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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