He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
