are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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