I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
