My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
