It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
