Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
