I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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