They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
