You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize