party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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