just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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