I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
