brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
love makes seman taste better
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
