so explain again why im purple
no
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
