I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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