Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
