i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
