On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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