It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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