Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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