i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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