Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize