The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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