well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
