that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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