He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
