another moral hangover. fuck.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
