Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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