My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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