Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
