I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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