So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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