It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
