Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
