You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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