do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
