So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
