My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I did not marry a roomba.
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