just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
