How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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