Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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