Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize